Kate Middleton’s Fingers Are Fine

Kate Middleton
Photo: Shutterstock

The Daily Mail is known for its fair share of creative headlines. But a recent front page went fully farcical, even for them—“Why Are Kate’s Fingers All the Same Length?” they asked, alongside a close-up of Kate Middleton’s hand.

The irony of the whole thing is that the photo proves the exact opposite of what the headline says. Middleton’s fingers clearly aren’t the same length—her index finger is noticeably shorter than her ring one, which is confirmed by the dotted line some poor graphics editor overlaid on it all.

There is an aspect of this whole ordeal that’s unsettling. Kate Middleton has long been over-scrutinized for her appearance, criticized for her weight, her “frumpy” outfits, and her un-manicured toes. (And that’s nothing compared to Meghan Markle, who has had to battle racist comments about her every move.) The fingers are just another example of another time another woman had to deal with the kind of inspection a man would never have to.

Kate Finger-gate was duly mocked. It was memed. And most of all, it turned average Internet Joes into finger sleuths, who found themselves falling deeper and deeper into the Google Images rabbit hole. (At 9:00 a.m. this morning, I scoffed at the headline. By 9:01 a.m., I was pulling up archival photos of Kate’s hands, from all different angles, slacking my coworkers, “See! They are perfectly normal!”) The whole thing spiraled into a comical Twitter moment, full of outlandish and laugh-out-loud tweets, filed under the platform’s fitting “Haha” section.

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But for all the hubbub, the fingers fit right in with your average royal gossip item. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle take a train? It’s news. Their train is late? It’s a headline. Kate wears a hard hat? Well, that’s a moment that’s worth 1,000 images.

So what is it about the royals that makes us read about even their most monotonous moments? Perhaps it’s their mysteriousness. We rarely hear them speak, let alone candidly. In-depth interviews are few and far between, and when they do happen, they are described with words like groundbreaking and unprecedented. At this point in time, the British royals are probably the only famous people in the world discouraged from having their own social media accounts. Even Markle, a few weeks after announcing her engagement to Prince Harry, deleted hers.

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Perhaps it’s because they are not only mysterious, but also everywhere. Unlike movie stars or pop singers, whose stars rise and fall according to their latest projects, the royal family is a constant presence. They make several public appearances each week. Their palaces are smack-dab in the heart of London, one of the most populous and famous cities in the world. Their names are in history books, their faces on money—and with the 24-7 news cycle, we are reminded of their constant, enigmatic presence on a daily basis. So when something like Kate Middleton’s fingers pops up, yes, it’s another silly tabloid story. But it feels more relevant than the average celeb stakeout, because the Duchess will probably be in the spotlight until the day she dies.

Plus, reading about them is fun. In a time where many days can seem dark and hopeless, switching to a world where the biggest stories are opulent weddings and now, finger length, is like switching to an alternate reality. In an interview with Newsweek, Prince Harry spoke of maintaining the “magic” of the monarchy. “Even if I was king, I would do my own shopping. . . . It’s a tricky balancing act. We don’t want to dilute the magic. . . . The British public and the whole world need institutions like it.”

Sometimes that escapism comes in the form of a dress, or a fairy-tale-like love story. But sometimes, it comes with the preposterousness of it all—the royals, and the silly stories that erupt around them. Fingers and all.