The Best Thing You Can Do for Your Dating Life? Wear a Mask

Many things can endear a potential new partner to you—their coffee order, their dog’s name, how they pronounce a certain word. But right now, as many singles put a pandemic-related pause on casual dating, all those little details are looking increasingly minor compared to the big question: Do they wear a mask or not?

Of course, we’re all working with mixed and often confusing advice about when a mask is necessary. (Thanks, poorly coordinated federal government response!) But the general consensus seems to be that you should wear one when you’re going to be within six feet of another person who is not a member of your household. In other words, any date you go on right now should presumably be masked. But how do you engage in Nora Ephron–worthy banter when your mouth and chin are covered in fabric?

Yes, a mask does present a logistical barrier to the wry half-smile and flirtatious grin, and it pretty much renders a spontaneous kiss out of the question. But what we’re losing in face visibility when we wear masks on dates we’re gaining in terms of clearly visible values. Picture it: You’re in your local park, mask on and takeout margarita in hand, ready to go for a stroll with a Hinge date when said date rolls up blithely mask free. Are you two truly compatible? Do you really want to spend your precious outside time with someone who isn’t willing to undergo mild discomfort to literally save lives? And in the unlikely event that someone won’t go out with you because you are wearing a mask—were they ever worthy of you in the first place?

A mask might hide half of your face, but (1) the eyes are the window to the soul, and (2) what could possibly send a clearer message about your priorities than taking the necessary COVID-19 precautions? When you step out for a date in a mask—lowering it only to sip a drink or enjoy a snack in an open and widely spaced area—you’re telling your prospective partner, “I care more about ensuring my health and the health of those around me than I do about looking good.” Let’s be honest: That’s kind of hot, right? (Note: This should not be read as an endorsement of the complex—and often race- and class-influenced—phenomenon of mask shaming, merely a love letter to dates who care enough to incorporate a mask into their romantic lives.)

As cities around the U.S. begin to reopen for business, the ethics of mask-free dating will likely evolve. Even now, my social group can’t seem to agree about what defines responsible dating during a pandemic, with some friends sticking to Zoom dates exclusively and others inviting people over for an innuendo-laden drink (with negative test results in hand, of course). Still, as we cater to ridiculously fragile modes of masculinity when it comes to mask wearing, maybe it’s worth taking people—just this once—at face value.