How Much to Spend on a Wedding Gift, According to Experts

Wondering how much to spend on a wedding gift? It’s a fair question—as wedding invites start to pile up, dollar signs might also start to flash. The idea of having to spring for flights, hotels, bridesmaid dresses, and then—on top of everything—a wedding present for each occasion can become a serious source of stress for wedding guests. (It doesn’t help that wedding gifts often conjure up images of, well, a lot of expensive things: porcelain china, polished silverware, and linens with a thread count you didn’t even know was possible.)

Complicating matters more is the seeming lack of concrete wedding gift etiquette. Questions, like how much to give for a wedding gift, start to come up. When do you buy the gift? Can you buy gifts outside the registry? Is giving cash gauche? What is the right wedding gift amount?

Here, answers to these questions and more, with expert insights from Kylie Carlson, the CEO of the International Academy of Wedding & Event Planning, Alison Cheperdak, founder of Elevate Etiquette, Zola, and Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette by Anna and Lizzie Post.

1. How much should I spend on a wedding gift?

According to Zola, the average person spends 50 to 100 dollars on a wedding gift. They suggest the following breakdown: coworkers or distant relatives should spend 50 to 75 dollars. Friends or relatives, 75 to 100 dollars. For close friends, family members, or if you're in the wedding party, you should spend 100 to 150 dollars—or more. 

If everything left on the registry is over your budget of 50 to 75 dollars, it’s a good idea to get the couple a gift card to one of the stores where they registered. 

However, remember these are just guidelines. “There is no minimum (or maximum) amount guests should spend,” writes Emily Post.

2. Is it okay to give a group gift?

If the only items left on the registry are well over your budget or you really want to gift the couple a big-ticket item you know they’ll love, join forces with a group of friends. And for bridesmaids and groomsmen who have already spent quite a bit of money on the bridesmaid dress, bachelor party, and shower, this is a particularly wise way to gift—the couple will receive a thoughtful big-ticket present from the wedding party, and each person can usually get away with spending a bit less individually.

Meanwhile, families still living together at home, couples, or guests with plus-ones can give joint gifts.

3. Should I give a wedding gift that matches the price per head?

"The formality of the wedding impacts a number of elements, including time of day and dress, but there is no tie into the cost of the gift. What you gift the couple should be exclusively dependent on your relationship to the happy couple, as well as your own means. No guest should feel as though they need to overextend themselves with the gift because they are expected to wear black tie," says Carlson.

Similarly, just because your best friend had a 10-person wedding in their backyard doesn’t mean you should give them an inexpensive gift. Also, if you happen to be attending multiple events for the couple, consider this as well: you can use the 60-20-20 rule, which means spending 20 percent of your total budget on an engagement party gift, 20 percent on a gift for the bridal shower, and 60 percent for the actual wedding gift.

4. Is it okay to give cash as a wedding gift?

Cash gifts are perfectly acceptable, according to Emily Post. In fact, as most millennials are getting married later in life and already have well-stocked homes, they prefer cash to put toward savings or a honeymoon over registry items.

If you are giving cash (or a check), send it ahead of time rather than bringing it to the wedding—it’s too easy for things to get misplaced in the chaos of the day. Some couples may even register for cash to go directly into their bank accounts, which allows guests to give money virtually, along with a sentimental note they can personally write on a digital card.

For a more modern take, or even for those Gen Z weddings, some guests have ventured into using payment options like Zelle or Venmo to send money. Cash wedding gifts can sometimes be a security risk, according to Cheperdak. “I recommend also giving a note, then mentioning in your wedding card that you sent them a little something so that you can make sure it’s received,” she says. 

5. Do I have to buy a wedding gift for a destination wedding?

“While there are no hard and fast rules, there is a general understanding that their presence at the wedding can absolutely be their gift. You have to remember that your guests are presumably taking time off from work and arranging childcare, so they’ve already invested quite a bit. With that being said, if an attendee chooses to gift them in addition to being there, then that’s absolutely fine,” says Carlson. Emily Post concurs: “As the costs of attending destination weddings are often higher, it’s gracious of the couple to spread the word that ‘your presence is a present,’” they write. 

If you do want to get them a wedding gift but you’re strapped for cash right after spending on the flights and hotels, you can always wait until later (six months to a year) to get them a wedding gift. Whatever the timing, they’ll always appreciate it.

6. Should I buy a gift if I can’t attend the wedding?

“Guests invited to a wedding ceremony, whether or not they can attend, should send or bring a gift,” writes Emily Post.  For those invited to just the reception, it is optional. 

However, for those RSVPing “no,” feel free to spend less than you might spend if you were attending—that $30 wine opener is still a lovely token of congratulations that the couple will surely appreciate.

7. Should my wedding gift amount increase if I have a plus one?

There’s no rule in the wedding gift etiquette handbook that would suggest your wedding gift amount go up if you bring a date. "While it may make sense to spend a bit more because you are bringing two mouths to feed, there is no expectation that you need to do so," says Carlson. Zola’s guidelines suggest spending one-and-a-half to two times more on the gift.

8. How long do I have after the wedding to get the couple a wedding gift?

Traditionally, you have up to one year to get the couple a wedding gift. That being said, etiquette experts agree that the sooner you can give the gift the better. Everyone wants to unwrap their wedding gifts when they’re still radiating with that newlywed glow.

9. How do I address a check to the couple?

If you plan on giving a check to the happy couple, make sure you avoid writing their new surname in the “to” field. It may seem counterintuitive after having just watched them tie the knot, but when it comes to cashing checks after the big day, the bank will sometimes not accept checks that don’t have the registered account name. To be safe, it’s best to write the check out to one person and write a happy note in the memo field.

10. Should I ship a gift directly or bring it to the wedding?

“The preferred method for gifting is to send it to the couple’s home, versus bringing it with you on the wedding day,” says Carlson. “There are just so many things to keep track of the day of the event, that it’s appreciated if you can make it a bit easier on the newlyweds. Luckily, it’s practically a given that you’ll be able to ship your gift with relative ease thanks to registries.” This is especially important with destination weddings, as that gives the couple the logistical headache of shipping it back home. (Plus, you won’t need to pack it either.)

Bringing a physical gift to the wedding is typically reserved when someone goes off the registry to purchase a wedding gift. When in doubt, follow the instructions on the registry website and avoid the headache of wrapping the present yourself!

11. Is it okay to buy gifts that aren’t on the wedding registry?

Gifting items that aren’t included on the registry isn’t a violation of wedding gift etiquette. Emily Post says that the choice of what to buy or give is always up to the guest, even if the couple has a registry.

If, however, you choose an off-registry item, make sure it’s something you know they will absolutely love. “A couple has taken the time to select items that they need, so it makes perfect sense the majority of the time to simply fall in line with their wishes,” says Carlson. “With that being said, if you are close to the couple and are 100 percent sure that your off-registry item fits the bill, then by all means, do it.”

12. Do I have to buy a shower gift and a wedding gift?

If you attend the bridal shower and the wedding, you are expected to buy a separate gift for each event. The Knot suggests an attendee should spend between 50 to 75 dollars on a shower gift. (However, if you also got the couple an engagement gift, the 20-20-60 rule can also apply—so your shower gift should cost 20 percent of your total budget.)

For those who are invited but are not able to attend the bridal shower, sending a gift is optional: “If a guest cannot attend the shower, he or she may send a gift but is not obligated to do so,” writes Emily Post.

To jump-start your search, here are a few ideas to consider based on various wedding gift amounts.

13. Is it ever appropriate to ask the bride or groom how much money I should give as a wedding gift?

You’re not always going to be familiar with a bride or groom’s wedding customs, especially if it’s not the traditional American wedding you may be used to. According to Cheperdak, it's important to respectfully acknowledge that there may be some gaps in your knowledge about their cultural background. “You want to be really warm about your intentions,” she tells Vogue. She also suggests asking for resources to better understand their customs. “That way you’re not putting a burden on the couple. It’s being gracious in that you’re acknowledging they might have a lot of responsibilities outside of educating you on their cultural norms,” she says.

14. Are there things I can do in place of a gift?

Tight gift-giving budget? It’s time to get creative. Cheperdak suggests exploring more sentimental options, whether it’s a framed picture or a book. She recommends giving something if your financial situation allows it, even if it’s small. But in some cases, you can offer extra hands to help make sure the ceremony runs smoothly, whether you serve as a wedding photographer or a makeup and hair stylist for the bride. “Gifts are about showing how much the couple means to you, and it’s about so much more than money,” says Cheperdak. But if your services are politely declined by the couple, be sure to accept that graciously rather than insisting on helping them.

15. How do I check in on the gift I sent?

Whether the newly married couple has a lot of traveling on their itinerary after their nuptials or you just haven’t received a thank you card yet, you might want to reach out and gently check if your gift was delivered. Cheperdak notes that it’s alright to send a text along the lines of, “I just want to make sure that you received this. If you didn’t for any reason, let me know and I’ll see to it that it’s corrected,” with some added personal flair. You can also ensure the package has a tracking number so you can make sure it arrived safely.

16. Should I contribute to the couple’s honeymoon fund?

This fund is set up for wedding guests to help financially contribute to the couple’s honeymoon activities, from the plane ride to hotel stay. Although it’s still sometimes considered controversial, especially among older generations, a honeymoon fund is a great way to contribute to a couple’s post-wedding adventures. As a guest, it’s also considerate to donate to specific honeymoon experiences, like dinner on the first night or a couple’s massage, says Cheperdak.

17. What if the couple separates before I get them a gift?

Although it’s incredibly rare for the couple to separate within a year of marriage, it does happen on occasion. In the case that you weren’t able to send a check or present within the time frame of their marriage, it’s best not to send one at that point, says Cheperdak. “One of the most painful things can be the tangible items they have and figuring out what to do with them.”